Small Boats, Big Dreams.
For Immediate Release
Contact: Jim Marsh
Tim Niemier, who introduced the Sit-On-Top Kayak to the masses, formerly announces his candidacy to be President of the United States.
Bellingham, WA. Oct 14, 2016. The man who long ago stated getting a “billion butts in boats” as his life mission has now announced his plans to run for President on a “paddle-in” only campaign. Speaking from the weekly meeting of his kayak polo club to a crowd of more than 25 people, Niemier was resolute:
“I’ve called you all here today, well…I understand many of you just showed up for kayak polo, but I want the rest of you to know that I have the best plan to move this country forward. Together we can end war, poverty, bigotry and leaky kayaks forever!”
Niemier is well known in paddling circles as the man who, in 1971 carved a seat into a tandem surfboard and built one of the world’s first sit-on-top kayaks. His company Ocean Kayak created a revolution in paddlesports by offering safer, more affordable and more durable boats. In 1997 he sold his interest in the company.
Niemier’s political agenda is a lighter, gentler response to today’s problems in contrast to his rivals. Whereas he says he would not build a wall between Mexico and the United States, he mentioned he’d “love to paddle the entire length of the Rio Grande River along the border” and added “Besides, the immigration problem I want to focus on is of the Native Americans from white settlers.”
When asked why he waited so long to announce his candidacy, Niemier remarked, “I was busy designing a new kayak for a company called Swell Watercraft, and I kind of forgot about it. Since releasing my book last year (The Millionaire Beach Bum, Turning ADD into Passion and Profits) I’ve received a lot of support from the ADD community. One reason I announced late was to help those folks remember to vote for me. “
On November 4, Niemier will need a lot of them to remember. If he doesn’t win? “A billion is a lot of butts and a lot of boats. I just want folks to remember these kayaks don’t paddle themselves. My message is that getting on the water puts you in the moment and enhances lives.“
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